The Courage to Be Wrong: Transforming Relationships and Leadership
Many of us have experienced moments when being "right" seems more important than maintaining relationships or openness to growth. We've all witnessed, perhaps painfully, how the insistence on being right can fracture personal relationships and professional trust. I’ve seen this firsthand within my own family. A relative has distanced himself entirely from family ties due to political disagreements. Sadly, this separation doesn't just impact him—it ripples out, deeply affecting his grown children and the larger family dynamic. I've come to understand that reconciliation can only occur when both sides embrace openness over certainty.
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Why do we cling so tightly to the need to always be right? According to psychologist Leon Festinger’s theory of cognitive dissonance, our minds experience genuine discomfort when holding conflicting ideas or beliefs. To avoid this discomfort, we often dismiss opposing viewpoints rather than reconsider our positions. Additionally, confirmation bias further traps us, prompting us to seek out information that confirms what we already believe while ignoring evidence that contradicts our perspective.
This psychological need can become especially problematic in professional settings like law enforcement and healthcare, where the cost of insisting on correctness can have devastatingly irreversible consequences. In law enforcement, a refusal to consider alternative approaches or viewpoints can erode community trust, stall meaningful reforms and force quick reactions. Similarly, in healthcare, defensiveness can lead to critical mistakes, diminished teamwork, and compromised patient safety.
Admitting we're wrong isn't a sign of weakness; it’s an essential part of growth. The willingness to embrace vulnerability—to entertain the thought, "What if I'm wrong?"—is what transforms good leaders into exceptional ones.
The cost of staying entrenched in our own viewpoint is remarkably high. Professionally, stubbornness shuts down innovation and collaboration. On a personal level, as my family has experienced, insisting on being "right" can damage relationships beyond repair. By contrast, embracing a beginner's mind—a mindset that views situations as opportunities to learn rather than battles to win—opens doors to deeper understanding and growth.
Zen Master Shunryu Suzuki famously said, "In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's mind there are few." Adopting this beginner’s mind involves consciously setting aside our ego and asking ourselves, "What if I'm wrong? What do I really have to lose by considering another viewpoint?"
When we genuinely ask ourselves these questions, we realize there is very little to lose and a tremendous amount to gain: deeper connections, greater respect from colleagues, increased creativity, and even improved mental health. Amy Edmondson’s research on psychological safety further supports this, showing that when teams feel safe admitting mistakes or challenging ideas, their performance and innovation flourish. So, what actionable steps can we take right now?
First, honestly analyze the personal and professional losses incurred by always insisting you're right. Reflect on situations where relationships or projects suffered because of inflexibility.
Second, actively practice a beginner's mind. When someone offers a different perspective, instead of immediately defending your viewpoint, pause. Ask yourself, "What might I learn here?" This deliberate openness can diffuse tension and foster constructive conversations.
Third, embrace vulnerability by regularly asking, "What if I’m wrong?" Engage with curiosity instead of defensiveness. By practicing this simple question, you cultivate a growth-oriented culture, both personally and professionally.
As diverse voices from many backgrounds remind us:
"It is not wrong to go back to that which you have forgotten" (West African proverb).
"To err is human; to forgive, divine" (Alexander Pope).
If you are accused of being wrong, even when you believe you are right, recognize that the anger of the other person could be based in fear, pain, loss, or positive reinforcement of negative behavior that may have nothing to do with you directly. Be clear about your personal boundaries of engagement. Remember, there is no rule requiring you to engage if the other person is not willing to have a respectful conversation. Accept that the person may not hear anything you say in defense. We change when we become uncomfortable with the status quo.
Author Adam Grant notes, "The hallmark of an open mind is not letting your ideas become your identity."
The path to growth and connection begins with the courage to challenge ourselves, to entertain the possibility that we might be wrong, and to celebrate rather than fear the wisdom of uncertainty. By letting go of our psychological need to always be right, we create a healthier, more inclusive environment—both at home and in our professional lives.
